I have to admit to myself, and well, I guess to the ten of you who know about this blog, that October was a mess for me. It is usually my favorite month, the month of my birthday and Halloween, the month I look forward to the most every year. Instead it was my month of crashing not just off the wagon, but careening solidly into some self loathing behaviors. The month of stress and depression and illness. So, with a sudden spur of the moment decision I've decided to try to blog every day this month, and see if I can write my way back to sanity. HA. Considering I was thinking about doing NaNoWrMo, this has to be a less crazy option. Right?
Some things I've been pondering lately on my car rides to and from work -
* What is the difference between looking at people of the opposite sex, and checking them out? Serious question, I'm genuinely not sure that I can tell the difference.
* Why is it that after so long, I've discovered high heels again and love the way I walk in them? It's a solid stompy stride, and I almost feel like I've found a part of me that's been missing since we lived in New York. Why didn't I do this sooner?
* When will I remember that no candy or sugar actually will ever taste as good as the fantasy craving of it does?
* Am I emotionally going to be able to go back to the gym? Or will my horrible self esteem and my struggle with my attitudes, fears, and assumptions about other women sabotage me?
* Why is it that no matter how often I tell myself that I'm blessed, that so many other people are struggling with much, much worse things than I am, do the little voices in my head tell me otherwise?
* Why the hell am I so attracted to Marcus Mumford?
* Don't I really have a lot of other better things to do than watching the back catalogue of Law & Order: Criminal Intent on Netflix?
* When am I going to quit letting my husband's family tie me up in knots?
* What the hell am I going to get my Mom/Brother/Father/Matt for Christmas?