I had planned on writing something tonight about clothes and shopping, seeing as I wore an "old lady sweater" to work today. I'll explain that later. But something else is bothering me more.
Earlier in the week, I came across the quote below. (I'm going to paste it in here, in case the image disappears: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do." - Eleanor Roosevelt.)
This is something I need to repeat to myself regularly, until it sinks into my brain. Because right now, at the peak of depression (can depression have peaks?) I'm perceiving slights and offenses and taking them more personally than perhaps I should. Or perhaps not. I don't know.
See, there are a few (oh two specific) people who I'm fairly certain I should consider frienemies. People who I'm connected to on various social medias, and that they maintain those connections purely for the outward image it portrays to our mutual friends. In one case, yes, we have some issues to work out if we were to ever truly be friends again. But in the other, I have no idea what I've done to make her not like me. We may live very different lives, but I often lend kind words and support. I tell myself again and again to stop it, since it's very clearly not appreciated, not welcomed, but there was a time in my life that this person was truly supportive, and I valued that. There's a part of me that wants to think, "it's them, not me." That where they are in their life, and the changes they've undergone, are the issues. Not that I'm such a horrible and repellant person that they'd be visiting my town, no, my neighborhood, and not bother to say anything. But I suspect that's not the case. That right now, it IS me. That they don't really want to be friends.
So the quote. I'm trying to take it to heart. It's ok that these people don't like me. Truly. I'm an adult, I know you can't be friends with everyone. I should just hide them on Facebook and quit following their blogs so that I'm not tempted to reach out. And that even if it IS me, that it bothers me a lot more than it bothers either of them. And I don't want them to have that power over me. I've already invested more time into this, just by this blog post alone, than either of them have probably ever spent thinking about me. Eleanor is wise. It's time to clean house, for my own well being.